So here I am, ranting on here again, but it’s my only outlet, so there we go.
I’m ill for a second day, this bloody lurgy will be the death of me, it seems. I was supposed to have a driving lesson this afternoon, but my instructor cancelled on me as she doesn’t want to catch my cold. This learning to drive malarkey is literally taking forever, I wonder how many years I’ll spend paying for it. I wonder why everything I try and learn to do takes me 10000000000 years. Ugh. Moreover, due to illness, I look like shit today. I have a sewing lesson this evening which I already paid for, so I’ll have to drag myself there somehow.
Also, I just watched a Russian talk show about androgynous people, and oh my gods, the people in the audience make the worst comments. Apparently, if you’re born a woman, it is your “duty” to bear children and look after the household, and if you’re a dude, you have to cut your hair short and be manly and not give a shit about clothes. Fuck that shit! I would like to think that society has evolved beyond forcing people to act a certain way because of their genitals, but obviously not. Unbelievable. I have huge respect for these guys and girls for having the guts to be themselves, and talk about it on national TV, in such an ultra-conservative country. Fuck anyone who disagrees.
I’m a straight girl who loves makeup and pretty things, yet I find it difficult to make friends with most women because they don’t understand me. I don’t have an obsession with high heels (they’re fucking uncomfortable - why would I want to wear shoes that cripple and hurt my feet?) and I don’t want children, which is a source of endless comments and insults for me, to the point where I just don’t talk to people anymore. Jeez. And I don’t know why it’s so difficult for people to understand why I don’t want children. I find them unpleasant, and I’m vain and self-centred, so I want my life to be about me and not about being a full-time slave to some screaming baby. I’m just lucky that my boyfriend doesn’t want children either, for the same reasons. I suppose most people are too primitive and vacuous, and hope that babies will give them a sense of purpose or whatever. *sigh*
Moreover, when I dress up to go out and things, I like to look pretty for me, not in the way that is considered “sexy” or “fashionable”. This is another thing people seem to fail to understand, and they think I’m making an effort to shock people/for attention/to be different. Fuck that shit! If I want to wear a dress with trainers and neon coloured eyeshadow, I will. I don’t need to impress anybody - I have a boyfriend who likes me the way I am, and I don’t care about other men. Even when I was single, the last thing I wanted to do was dress up for stupid alpha monkey men. And I have no desire to impress other girls either, as I’m on a completely different wavelength to them anyway. Even many alternative girls I’ve met and tried to befriend… many of them are just the same vapid Barbies but without an orange tan and with colourful hair and piercings. It’s a miracle I have any female friends at all.